Never play with fire. Ever.
Mistakes are okay if you had no premonition. They are okay if you just went about doing good. They could even be welcomed if you set out to be better.
They are never okay if you never intended to get hurt. If you planned the journey so well before execution, and were just prototyping. They will never be okay if you, knowing yourself and the kind of person you are, warned the chef to not begin the meal.
Mistakes will happen. Always.
There will happen because we move before we think. We leap before we finish praying for courage. We joke when we should be serious. We talk before we analyse our thoughts.
They will happen because we are human. Because we suffer from unnecessary human problems like PMS. And PMDD. And mood swings. And girly-ness.
They will happen because we choose to believe. We choose to believe in the best of humans. We choose to be optimistic and see the glass as perpetually half-full. We choose to “allow our curiosities to be tickled”. We choose to just forge on. Against all odds. Against all stop signs. Against all warnings – earthly and ethereal. We choose to believe in finding our Derek. And forgetting our Burke.
We choose love over hate. We choose love over bitterness. We choose love over messiness. And guilt. And indecision.
I wished with all my heart that I could say that I would never do this again. I wish with all my soul that this will be the last of its kind.
I believe that we learn everyday. So would I change anything if I were to start all over again? Would I have gone against my “why not” instinct and marched on? Would I have ignored my sympathetic warnings and thrown caution to the wind? NEVER! It was good while it lasted.
16 straight days. The best 16 days of your life is not a waste, is it? At least you recognised it early enough and pulled all the stop signs immediately you couldn’t handle it. Immediately you realised that you were headed for disaster. For Pain. Tears. Hurt. Sorrow. Depression and Death. At least, you had 5 more days before it became an agonizing habit.
A bestie from Class 6 would call it, “Akoma mu awer3ho)”. This is all it is. This is all it will ever be. Because though I am wounded, I am a warrior. The butterflies will eventually settle. I will eventually sleep. I will eventually rise to deliver for good. And be the best version of myself. Eventually.
Piece dedicated to Sonia. The grey to my yang.
Special mentions: Aaron & Felicia. My two favorite naruto lovers!