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HOME

Home is where the heart is.

Home is where I feel safe, loved and important.

I easily feel at home and so act as if the world revolves around me. Always.

You always find me. You find me when I stray in search for greener pastures. Like the patient father you are, you hold me and tell me sweet lies when I fall so bad that it tears up my insides and destroys my soul. When all the lions bare their teeth at me and tug at pieces of my soul in an attempt to make me bleed. They tried to bury me by driving my head between my knees just to uproot my demon of rebellion. You unfortunately, still manage to find me! And your timing has never been better!

You are my home.

You knew me before you saw me. You heard me speak before you even spoke to me. You cared for me before i even had an inkling as to who you were. I had heard of you alright… Jesus this, Jesus that, Jesus saves. I knew all this but had never spent a second of my life considering how much my actions affected you. Never. But you still loved me. I will stray 3000 more times but you will find me 3001 times – that I can bet my entire life savings on.

You are my home.

I look at you and wonder. What at all did i see in you? In fact, what am I seeing? Nothing extraordinary. There is nothing beautiful or majestic about your appearance – nothing to attract me to you. Had I met you in a different state at a different time, I would never have noticed you. I might have despised you and not even learnt your name. You would have considered me rude and because I don’t give an effing damn about your feelings, I wouldn’t care. We cannot please everyone, can we?

You are my home.

I am self-opinionated. I am viciously manipulative and will fight tooth and nail to get what I want. I even begun World War 4 just to keep you safe from their prying eyes. I was an endeavour as useless as WW3; retaliating and tweeting vengefully about nuclear weapons never solved anyone’s problems. Across continents, countries and presidents – back and forths are simply a waste of time! Solve Ruth’s problem and all will be perfect again. You my beautiful mind, will simply not listen to me. You just keep annoying me until I need to strangle you to breathe well. You fight me on every matter and non-metaphorically cut my soul into pieces every second. I have no need for the likes of you and your species. I would rather remain a 50 year old spinster who lives alone with her white cat!

But you are my home.

You were my home 19days ago and you are my home today. You were my home before I was conceived and you will still be my home in 19more days. I would like you to be my home forever, but who at all am I? What have I done to deserve a being as magnificent as you? I will never in a million years deserve you. I would even not recommend myself to another me!

But you are my home.

I love staying at home. In my room, on my bed, with the fluffiest and most comfortable duvet cocooning me. You my love, will not even spend 40 more minutes of your precious sleep time with me because I talk too much. I will forever keep talking, and you will unsurprisingly keep listening. I care too much to allow you to waste your life. Afterall, it still is my greatest purpose to bring the entire world to Him.

So I will forge on and advance. I will take the blind leap and keep praying with all my heart that my glass remains half-full.

Because you are my home.

Be my home, now and forever!

With Love,

Your Sweet Advocate.

Dedicated to all the independent minds I know. To those who never say never.

Special Mentions:

  1. Munney kÉ› Naa.
  2. Nii Obuobisa, the second Nii in my life.
  3. My homes.

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Playing with fire…

Never play with fire. Ever.

Mistakes are okay if you had no premonition. They are okay if you just went about doing good. They could even be welcomed if you set out to be better.

They are never okay if you never intended to get hurt. If you planned the journey so well before execution, and were just prototyping. They will never be okay if you, knowing yourself and the kind of person you are, warned the chef to not begin the meal.

Mistakes will happen. Always.

There will happen because we move before we think. We leap before we finish praying for courage. We joke when we should be serious. We talk before we analyse our thoughts.

They will happen because we are human. Because we suffer from unnecessary human problems like PMS. And PMDD. And mood swings. And girly-ness.

They will happen because we choose to believe. We choose to believe in the best of humans. We choose to be optimistic and see the glass as perpetually half-full. We choose to “allow our curiosities to be tickled”. We choose to just forge on. Against all odds. Against all stop signs. Against all warnings – earthly and ethereal. We choose to believe in finding our Derek. And forgetting our Burke.

We choose love over hate. We choose love over bitterness. We choose love over messiness. And guilt. And indecision.

I wished with all my heart that I could say that I would never do this again. I wish with all my soul that this will be the last of its kind.

I believe that we learn everyday. So would I change anything if I were to start all over again? Would I have gone against my “why not” instinct and marched on? Would I have ignored my sympathetic warnings and thrown caution to the wind? NEVER! It was good while it lasted.

16 straight days. The best 16 days of your life is not a waste, is it? At least you recognised it early enough and pulled all the stop signs immediately you couldn’t handle it. Immediately you realised that you were headed for disaster. For Pain. Tears. Hurt. Sorrow. Depression and Death. At least, you had 5 more days before it became an agonizing habit.

A bestie from Class 6 would call it, “Akoma mu awer3ho)”. This is all it is. This is all it will ever be. Because though I am wounded, I am a warrior. The butterflies will eventually settle. I will eventually sleep. I will eventually rise to deliver for good. And be the best version of myself. Eventually.

Piece dedicated to Sonia. The grey to my yang.

Special mentions: Aaron & Felicia. My two favorite naruto lovers!