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Playing with fire…

Never play with fire. Ever.

Mistakes are okay if you had no premonition. They are okay if you just went about doing good. They could even be welcomed if you set out to be better.

They are never okay if you never intended to get hurt. If you planned the journey so well before execution, and were just prototyping. They will never be okay if you, knowing yourself and the kind of person you are, warned the chef to not begin the meal.

Mistakes will happen. Always.

There will happen because we move before we think. We leap before we finish praying for courage. We joke when we should be serious. We talk before we analyse our thoughts.

They will happen because we are human. Because we suffer from unnecessary human problems like PMS. And PMDD. And mood swings. And girly-ness.

They will happen because we choose to believe. We choose to believe in the best of humans. We choose to be optimistic and see the glass as perpetually half-full. We choose to “allow our curiosities to be tickled”. We choose to just forge on. Against all odds. Against all stop signs. Against all warnings – earthly and ethereal. We choose to believe in finding our Derek. And forgetting our Burke.

We choose love over hate. We choose love over bitterness. We choose love over messiness. And guilt. And indecision.

I wished with all my heart that I could say that I would never do this again. I wish with all my soul that this will be the last of its kind.

I believe that we learn everyday. So would I change anything if I were to start all over again? Would I have gone against my “why not” instinct and marched on? Would I have ignored my sympathetic warnings and thrown caution to the wind? NEVER! It was good while it lasted.

16 straight days. The best 16 days of your life is not a waste, is it? At least you recognised it early enough and pulled all the stop signs immediately you couldn’t handle it. Immediately you realised that you were headed for disaster. For Pain. Tears. Hurt. Sorrow. Depression and Death. At least, you had 5 more days before it became an agonizing habit.

A bestie from Class 6 would call it, “Akoma mu awer3ho)”. This is all it is. This is all it will ever be. Because though I am wounded, I am a warrior. The butterflies will eventually settle. I will eventually sleep. I will eventually rise to deliver for good. And be the best version of myself. Eventually.

Piece dedicated to Sonia. The grey to my yang.

Special mentions: Aaron & Felicia. My two favorite naruto lovers!

By AkuaPokuahWrites

A creative writer-to-be and a global citizen.

2 replies on “Playing with fire…”

Awww, but girly-ness is ok! I didn’t allow myself to be girly at all when I was young. I lived in fear. One day, dear friend, you’ll understand, but that was my past. Now I am still womanly, which can include a tiny bit of girly-ness, and it’s fine. As you have said before, there’s a balance. Moderation is also a great rule!

Yes, we will always be messy. Even when we learn to (mostly) finish thinking before we speak, we can say the wrong things. That is always messy. Also, as you say above, we choose to believe in the best in humanity. This, I believe, is a mistake. We must seriously realize we are all prone to sin and God is the only perfect and ultimately good Being. We will not be so disappointed once we learn to live with this, albeit without judging. This too is a balancing act. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength!

Ah, sweet friend, you’ll do this again. Hopefully not many more. It is good to “like someone too much,” as you said this morning. Once you become as close as a sister or brother (well, maybe not *that* close), and you know you are with the one, The One, God planned for you, you will still get butterflies in your stomach when he touches your hand as long as hand-touching had not become a common occurrence before you chose one another for a lifetime. Staying pure is difficult but it surely is worth it in the end! (Trust me!)

It’s true, there are so many things we consider maybe not the best outcome but we wouldn’t change them. That is wisdom. We do learn from our mistakes. That’s what keeps us sane, honestly. Truly, some things feel good, even if they don’t last. 16 days? Well, did you learn anything? I know you did. It was definitely worth it.

It will also be so nice to sleep. 🙂 You are in the process of becoming your best self. You are already amazing! Just remember Jeremiah 29:11 God has a plan, just for you, tailored, and it is for your good. It’s actually a good idea to write the verse out on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror or someplace you have of your own. Somewhere you’ll see it every morning. Tape it there. See it every morning. Be reminded. Pray — prayer is dialogue, not monologue. Listen. Give thanks. State your requests. Go about your day. Keep in mind you have that Spirit, that armor, you ARE a warrior! You have Someone to guide your steps every minute of every day. Practice it, make it a habit. Even so, you can be sure that ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. That means you!

I guess this is a long response, eh? I hope I can be a Barnabas, not a Nag. 😀 Talk soon. My best to you.

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